Triple Threat

The following excerpt is one of the most enjoyable reads this writer has found. And this writer is educated, ya'll.

Extracted from Forbes.com, the following few paragraphs yield the following bounty:

1. Consumer rip-off alert
2. Excellent recipe
3. Soul-satisfying snark.

All of the above from Forbes. Who knew? We heartily endorse the fine writers at The Entrepreneurs Staff. Well-done.

From "Ways You're Getting Ripped Off"

High-end Guacamole

The Rip-off: This savory starter is all the rage, and it mints money. Consider a serving size for two-to-four people, for which Rosa Mexicano, a ritzy Mexican outpost in Manhattan, charges a stiff $14. While ingredients typically gobble 30% to 40% of the menu price for food items at most restaurants, we estimate Rosa's guacamole clocks in at 19%--and probably a lot less than that.

Our formula yields the same batch for $2.65, based on retail grocery prices (wholesale distributors wouldn't talk) and, given reasonable volume purchases at the local A&P, there would be plenty of ingredients leftover to make another batch or two. The recipe:

--Three avocados, at $4.99 for a bag of eight to 10 ($1.65)

--Two tablespoons of onions, at $1.79 a pound (11.2 cents)

--Three tablespoons of cilantro, at $1.99 per bunch (24.9 cents)

--Two teaspoons of jalapeño peppers, at $3.99 per pound (8.3 cents)

--Three tablespoons of tomatoes, at $1.99 a pound (18.7 cents)

--One squeezed lime, at $3.99 for a 2-pound bag (36.3 cents)

--One teaspoon of salt (less than a penny)

Total: $2.65, or 19% of $14.

How To Avoid It: Make your own green stuff. Or have another $11 margarita to ease the pain.

Danger at Discount Dan's

God opposes my pride by allowing humiliations into my life almost daily. Many I do not even bring upon myself. Some just fall upon me, or roll right up behind and blow an air horn.

For example: Hot French Bread.

If you have known me long, you know that I periodically blitz through my favorite blue collar discount retailer, an iconic store containing acres of bargains and a few blown gaskets.

Last week I decided to peruse the aisles of said store in peace, as the man had our children at a Chinese buffet. As I was quietly attempting to choose new pajamas, an older man rolled up behind me on a little girl's purple bicycle, beeped a loud clown horn, and hollered--I kid you not--"Hot French bread!"

You may be assured that I jumped out of my skin. Haven given birth to two chubby babies, I even peed on myself a little bit.

This guy proceeded to roll all around Discount Dan's beeping his horn at folks and shouting about "hot french bread!" By the time I got to check-out, I had a massive headache.

You know that I do not seek out crazies. They find me.

So as Bouncer Lady was checking my purchase receipt against bagged items in the cart, I mentioned that the horn, bike, and pepaw had to go; unless Pepaw were unhinged, in which case grace could be extended to a store willing to hire the challenged.

Bouncer Lady blinked at me and said, "That's the assistant store manager. He just like to have some fun."

I suggested that he lock himself in his office and have fun alone, because the air horn, bike, and bread-shouting were obnoxious.

Bouncer Lady primly recited a toll-free number, which I could use to report my lack of appreciation for "the bike experience."

Does anyone have the toll-free number for the Nut Magnet Help Line? Because that's what I really need.

Happy mall shopping, and stay away from Discount Dan's.